Matthew Weldon's Dangerous Thoughts

Writer. Performer. Third Noun.

Matthew Weldon is an award-wanting writer from Slightly West of the West End of Glasgow. His lifelong love of attention and his ability to put one word after another have led inevitably to this website. This collection of fiction, non-fiction, and poetry truly contains something for every reader, provided that the thing that reader wants is either fiction, non-fiction, or poetry. Matthew dreams of one day writing a novel and using the proceeds to hire someone to design websites and write biographies for him.

Latest Writing

  • Deserter

    I’m taking a course on Novel Writing. This was written as a bit of homework to practice showing, not telling. The man to his left fell, chestplate ferociously torn through,… Read more

  • Office Supplies

    I’m taking a course on Novel Writing. This was written as a bit of homework to explore the use of free indirect discourse. I’m like bloody Jane Austen, I am.… Read more

  • Another Kind of Writing

    I’ve always wanted to be a writer, as long as I can remember. But when I was younger, I also foolishly entertained ideas of being a musician. I set my… Read more

  • I am Gaston

    Because of my general manliness and also my big muscles, I have often (read: never, not even once) been compared to Gaston off of Beauty and the Beast. Some years… Read more

  • All Cheeses Grate and Small

    There are many things in my kitchen. I have glass bowls, freezer- and oven-proof. I have wooden spoons, warped by heat and damp over many years. I have pots and… Read more

  • Hyroxymorons

    It’s time to face it: I simply must start exercising. My back is permanently sore. The elastic in my pants has given up. I am barely able to carry my… Read more

  • Me, by Charlotte Brontë

    I’ve been reading Jane Eyre of late. Here’s how I’d write about my day if I were Charlotte Brontë (or perhaps more accurately, were Charlotte Brontë me). I awoke in… Read more

  • Concerning Revolutionary Developments in Skincare

    From the creators of body butter – New! Body marmalade! Rub it on your skin! It smells of oranges! For external use only! It’s rich in sugar! Keep out of… Read more

  • Pearls of Wisdom

    In advance of turning 30 earlier this year, I set out to collect all my knowledge. It turns out that all my knowledge can be communicated in less than 500… Read more

  • To a cat

    Cat of mine, your whitey-greyness, Playful charm, and gen’ral gayness Never fail to entertain us, Why though must you lick your anus? Living room ‘midst comp’ny bather Why, dear feline,… Read more

  • Express No

    Apparently coffee, as well as being the only thing actually worth being alive for, is good for you. One cup, administered early in the morning, makes your heart healthier. So… Read more

  • I would say boo to a goose

    I would say boo to a goose I would say goodbye to an aye-aye I would say please rise to an impala I would say we’ve heard so much about… Read more

  • Apple Enjam

    Some poets (the proper ones, The ones that rhyme for a living) Take new lines at Odd times For emphasis, to deliberately disrupt the flow And pull your focus inward… Read more

  • Railways, Wrongways

    There’s a big push at the moment to ditch air travel in favour of trains, and I’m all for it in theory. Flying is a miserable business. Airport terminals are… Read more